Ashes in my heart

Our love burnt up, because of fear and lies, for fear I’ve got many reasons, for lies I really don’t know why.
Now I am in your last thoughts, someone you “loved” and pushed away. It was hard for me, after all this time, and my heart was not a good place for your memory to stay alive.
If I am talking with my mind, I sure say no. But deep inside my heart, a strong voice says yes. I thought everything was gone, nothing else to suffer for, but soon I realized I still have ashes in my heart.
It’s a feeling that wonders all the time, one day appears and passes by, its painful and it hurts me but in a way my heart wants him to stay.
Sometimes I would like to go to the past, so as not to make such huge mistakes. I want to go back to our last happy memory, but this time don’t live it again so fast.
I see you and a feeling of regret appears. Sometimes I really hate you, and sometimes I want you to be mine. But it’s too late now; I had let you go the last time.
It’s not a feeling of love. In fact I don’t know if it has name, or if it’s only happening to me. But one thing I know is that I don’t love you anymore, and all this things I’m feeling is because I still have ashes in my heart.